The words we speak are never neutral, because language doesn’t simply describe reality. It creates it. With every word we utter, we’re either speaking into existence a reality we desire or actively creating a reality we dread. We cannot speak about being broke and attract prosperity. We can’t complain about feeling abandoned and attract great love. We can’t criticize everything that’s wrong with a situation and simultaneously invent its improvement. We can only focus on one reality at a time—what we want or the absence of it—and the words we speak moment-by-moment are an indication of which way we’re leaning.

Words Summon Creative Energy 

When we say, “It shouldn’t be like this,” “Life is hard” or “Why can’t I get what I want?” we set into motion a powerful stream of unwanted energy. If you’ve ever watched one person’s negativity amplify the negativity in others, you understand this firsthand. Fortunately, the reverse is also true. We all have the ability to choose our thoughts, our perceptions—and our words—on purpose. When we change the way we speak about our life, we reclaim the power to change its trajectory. Here’s how to go about it:

Use Unwanted Experiences to Clarify Your Desire Every unwanted experience presents you with a fundamental choice: You can complain about all that appears to be going wrong, or you can focus on what you now desire. In any uncomfortable circumstance, resist the temptation to complain, and focus instead on the clarity that’s been born within you. Ask yourself, “What do I want to experience in this area of my life, and how would I like this situation or relationship to look and feel?” Then make a commitment to speak always in favor of what you desire, never in contradiction to it. 

Break Your Desire into Its Essential Form Behind every desire—big or small—is a longing to experience a certain feeling. If life has shown you that you want a better job, a bigger house or a fitter body, try to identify the emotional payoff you believe you’ll receive once this goal is realized. Do you believe you’ll experience a feeling of pride or satisfaction, or one of serenity or freedom? Use as many words as you can conjure to describe the energy you’re reaching for. 

Invite the Essence of Your Desire into Your Life As you connect with the energetic essence of your desire in each important area of your life, allow yourself to identify the thoughts, the attitudes—and the words—that would align you with this energy. In other words, if you had already attained everything you’re now striving for, what types of conversations would you be having with yourself and with others? Have these conversations now. When you shift your language, you shift everything. 

Celebrity coach Christy Whitman is The New York Times bestselling author of The Art of Having It All and Taming Your Alpha Bitch. She is founder and CEO of the Quantum Success Coaching Academy and creator of Watch Your Words, a free, 30-day, language training program.